"All the single ladies reading this, chin-up and give your good self a
thumb up. Nothing doest thou. Last week I had a father/daughter
discussion with my Princess. I could feel the frustration in her tone as
we spoke about different issues. When I asked about her boyfriend she
gave me a very long and irritated “Naija babe” hiss, she aired out her
frustrations with this whole dating business.
You see since childhood, my Princess has been very independent, very focused and determined - no nonsense kind of ‘chic’,
(can an apple fall too far from its tree). She is intelligent and
extremely hardworking, I mean what more could a man ask for in a woman?
Quickly, I was thinking of how to calm my ticked off Princess down.
"Darling, you know daddy will always love you no matter what, most
importantly you know damn too well that you are not under any pressure
to get married. So be patient, concentrate on your carrier and yourself
my darling, he will come when he comes, and if he doesn't come, have
your baby, I wouldn't mind another grandchild." Did I really say that?
Oh! Yes I did, and I meant that.
Single ladies are on the rise these days, because for a long time
coming, there has been an explosion of male joblessness in Nigeria and
the world over. There has also been a decline in men's life prospects
that have disrupted and distorted the dating or the "marriage market",
in a way that narrows a marriage minded woman's options. Today
all the Nigerian single "good" ladies who are desirous to settle down
are at a cross road in their dating life, most of them are simply tired,
a lot are frustrated and many are giving up.
Their options are really limited; it is mostly between the millions of
Gigolos or the deadbeat, some of who are pretending that they are
waiting for Jesus before they get it together; those who don't have
ambition burning in their soul. I can't believe that I told my daughter
to go ahead and have a baby out of wedlock. Well, with the way things
are playing out in our environment, it is time we embraced new ideas
about dating and marriage. Society’s highest institution called
"Marriage" is fast becoming old fashioned and outdated. Look around and
see the alarming rate of divorce matters all over the place, something
is definitely wrong my people. At this rate, falling in love and getting
married will be a question of choice rather than societal expectation
or luck.
Frankly speaking, women have climbed so
high in their independence and career and are doing way better than the
men. Men have been falling behind with amazing alacrity. Good
single women are so disappointed and it’s unimaginable, it's like going
to a party that has been the talk of the town for long. You buy your new
dress hoping to show off at the party, but by the time you land, they
tell you that all the good people have left, and the ones left are
really the servants, their friends or relatives who have come to
scavenge on the left over food. Believe it or not, that's the situation
today, no kidding.
Since the days of my grandfather, marriage has been primarily an
economic and political contract between 2 families, prized and policed
by families, relatives and community. That’s why in my village, they
will tell you "no be only your wife/husband you they marryoooooo" Things
have changed since then, most of our dates are from facebook, bb chat,
online dating, the hocus-pocus church called Pentecostals, etc. There is
no doubt in my mind that we are in the midst of an extraordinary
change.
The transformation of young outstanding women, considered marriage
material, is momentous, immensely liberating and immensely scary for
prospective suitors. All the old ways are breaking down, these days ladies want to be in-charge of their lives, you can't blame them.
Forget about the days of being submissive, na for your pocket. Forget
about marriage vows where it says about obeying your husbands, hummmm
joor, they are not slaves, understanding works better. Do they need
husbands to have babies these days?
Please don't get this twisted, marriage is
divine and sweet when you can not only find a soul mate, but someone
who can inspire you, respect you, love you, adore your feminity and
independence. They are hard to find oooooo. My daughter knows
that finding a good man is like finding a needle in a haystack. None the
less, should women feel psychologically defeated? Hell No! Most men who
don't know what time it is are still locked down with that old macho
bullshit, that it is a Man’s world. Hummmmm for where, my people, women
run things now, let’s get used to it, abegi, so our days on earth will
be longer joor.
My princess, my baby, my joy, my little big girl knows that her
character, her pedigree, her background, her ambition, her zeal and
courage will most likely intimidate a lot of men out there, she realizes
that this will further narrow her pool of prospects, just like she is
also aware that with each passing year she is getting older and never
younger but the options stay very limited.
All I’m trying to say is this, I tip my hat for all the "good" single
ladies out there, keep the fate, I admire your courage in not wanting to
settle for any trash out there. If it
doesn't fit, trash it, finding a life time partner is not ‘moimoi’. The
world is already too troubled for you to be in a relationship that you
know will not make you happy. Women can see these things ahead
you know, that's why they are a special breed of God’s creation. I have
discovered lately that men need women in their lives to keep them
stable, but if push comes to a shove, women don't really need men, a
case in point [is] ‘The great Oprah’.
Yes, good men are hard to find, ask Lady D. Ha!!"
