At the beginning of a relationship, everything seems all nice and rosy.
However, you see yourselves slowly become that couple: the one that bickers and makes snide remarks behind each others' backs.
In fact, you are probably at the edge, just about to break up or get a divorce or seperate.
Thankfully, all hope is not loss as some relationship experts have shared some of the biggest mistakes people in unhappy relationships make and how to correct if you've made them.
Constant comparison:
An unhappy couple find themselves constantly comparing their behavior now to their behavior when they dated.
Anne Crowley, an
Austin, Texas-based psychologist says, "a spouse in an unhappy marriage might complain ‘you used to be so romantic! Unfortunately, the other partner's response is often a defensive one -- 'Hey, that was before we had three kids!" The solution to constant comparison is to find out what happens when you tell your spouse you miss him or her.
Anne says, "oftentimes it is intimacy that we are seeking with our spouse and anger only serves to push him or her away. Communication is the bridge to intimacy. When we feel connected with our spouse, we feel loved and valued."
Being passively aggressive:
According to
Marina Sbrochi, a relationship expert and the author of Stop Looking for a Husband: Find the Love of Your Life, passive aggression can lead to divorce. "If your partner models contemptuous behavior, you'll most likely pick up that vibe and escalate the issue," she said. "You'll both walk away silently cursing each other." Her advice, get smarter with your argument style. "The next time you argue, take note of how one person's attitude is contagious," she said. "Instead of matching attitude, stop the bad-attitude train. Listen respectively and try to figure out what exactly your partner is trying to say to you."
Having the final say:
Being a relationship with someone who has to be right all the time or have the final say every time is very exhausting, however, this should not lead to break up.
LiYana Silver, a San Francisco-based relationship expert and coach explains this attitude saying, "they try to get the other person to submit by shaming them, bullying them, out-smarting them or shutting them out," she said. "If you're a partner who constantly needs to be right, ask yourself: 'What's so important to my S.O. about this issue? What about it am I not seeing?' This will shift the dynamic from adversarial to allied -- and genuine curiosity in a relationship is disarming and heart-opening. It will put you back on the same team."
Spending too much with your phone:
A lot of us are guilty of this, though it may seem harmless, the consequences are harmful to your relationship. Psychologist
Alicia H. Clark says doing it often sends a powerful non-verbal message to your S.O.: Whatever I'm doing on my phone is far more important than you. She suggests turning off, muting or putting your phone out of reach at dinner. "This allows your partner your full attention and sends the nonverbal message that time together is important.
Letting your relationship go/become stale:
In order to prevent yourselves from being an unhappy couple, you have to make effort to share new and exciting experiences. Alicia says, "too much passive disconnected activity -- watching TV, surfing Internet, reading -- can erode a sense of connection and lure couples into a cycle of disengagement. Her suggestion is to try something new together, or schedule date nights again. "Novelty has been shown to boost relationship connection via the reward circuitry in our brain that stimulates feelings of pleasure, desire and motivation," she explains.
Losing sight of your partnership:
Anne says, "life changes when we marry or get serious. Maybe the wife’s focus is the children and the husband feels left out or the husband works long, late hours and the wife feels alone. We start to go through the motions and we don’t feel bonded or connected anymore." She recommends appreciating your spouse. "Tell and show you care. Pause for a moment when your partner comes home to welcome and embrace him or her. Be affectionate. It helps forge connection and closeness. It's a reminder that he or she is your one and only."
No touching:
Alicia says to never underestimate the power of touch, even those as simple as playful pinches on the bum and hand-holding in public. "Human touch is a cornerstone of bonding and has been shown to drive up oxytocin -- dubbed the cuddle hormone -- that in turn facilitates attachment," she explained. "If you're in a relationship, make sure to do the little things: kiss each other when you say goodbye, hug more frequently or just hold hands while driving or watching TV. It will make a difference."
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